Quick vent on being a mom....

There are a few things I know now that if I knew at 17 I probably wouldn't have 3 boys, or at least they wouldn't be their same ages.  And yes I am sure ppl mentioned these things to me, but I didn't really KNOW them to be true until it happened...

First of all, its obvious to all that when your baby is a baby you will not sleep, but you dont know that when they are older you still wont sleep.  Maybe I'm 'special' but I NEVER sleep the way I did before kids.  Sometimes I can't sleep because of stress, whether that be over an irrational fear the house is gonna catch on fire, Christmas shopping, or an instant OMG did Jaryn put his homework in his bookbag? --Damn that reminds me...its one of the boys library days and none of them took their book, though I did remind them that whoever had library today needed to get their book in their bag last night.  Sometimes its because the kids are making noises, or Jaisek is making his way into my bed, which leaves me squished in the middle between him and Joe, not able to roll or stretch or spread in any direction, and my arm falling asleep because he insists his head has to lay on it.  And sometimes its because me or the kids are sick, or a combination of me and kids!

Second, when your sick you dont get to call anybody and say, "Hey, I'm not feeling well.  I wont be in today."  If I don't 'show up' to work, the kids don't get to school, the house is a mess, dinner wont get cooked, and my kids would drive me insane with their constant bickering over the dumbest thing you can think of.

Which brings me to the third...why the hell do kids have to fight over EVERYTHING?  It drives me crazy.  I dont know how to stop it, and it is the MOST annoying thing in the world to me.

Four, and I'm pretty sure nobody even bother to MENTION this one to me....everytime you sneeze, cough, vomit, laugh, or move wrong without holding certain muscles or positioning your legs correctly, you will pee yourself a little.

And so that brings me to five...which pretty much sums up my morning so far and its only 7:48am...when you are sick, sleep deprived, underwear slightly damp and your kids start fighting at 6:15 am, you may be a little harder on them than you normally would and your going to feel like shit about it ALL day until they come home and you can hug them.  THEN your going to break down and cry for 20 minutes and your 'partner' isn't going to have a clue why because he was sleeping soundly all night, and got up just in time to go to work himself!

So while I wait on all of them to get home, I am going to attempt to sleep, and whether or not that happens and I can extend the (pushing it here) 2 hours of sleep that I have so far, I do not plan to do laundry, clean the house, or leave the couch for that matter...unless it is to pee....or change my panties because I coughed too much!


Soooo tired....

Of being sick!  I have had a cold for over a month now, it was really bad for 3 weeks I couldn’t taste or smell anything, deprived me of sleep, and thoroughly annoyed me.  It started out a sore throat and a fever, then a bad cold.  Then Friday I again developed a fever, Saturday woke up with a horrible sore throat and fever all day.  Spent the day in bed, Joe cleaned the entire house - he wanted his video game back, I almost didn’t give it to him still! But I figured I was lying in bed and he did take the initiative to clean the entire house - dishes, vacuum, mop, and all laundry washed, folded and put away...so he kind of deserved it!  So as you can guess I had a very boring weekend.
I was very stressed Saturday because as usual I had procrastinated school all week and almost didn’t get attendance for the week.  I perked up for a few minutes and did manage to post a DQ (Daily Question) answer in each class, then was stressing because I knew I had to finish my midterms yesterday and was afraid I’d still be sick.  Well, I woke up fever free.  I took some antibiotics I had here and they apparently are killing whatever was wrong with me.  I am not sure it maybe it is strep or sinus infection.  My nose is still stuffy, throat still hurts, but at least I have no fever!
Enough about that…
Joe went out with his brother Friday night.  I was quite proud of myself!!  My ex husband destroyed most trust I have in men, but I know that Joe is not him.  Still if Joe went out I would normally be all knotty bellied and not be able to sleep.  I’m sure that being sick helped with the sleeping part but I was not even nervous, or knotty bellied at all.  It was his first time going out in over 2 yrs without me.  He went out a couple of times when we first got together and it was always a difficult thing for me.  It probably helped that he was out with his brothers and sisters, who all think I am the best thing since sliced bread =) so he couldn't really get away with anything. hahahah jk.  None the less I was pretty proud of myself for being okay with the situation.  I go out without him as I please, so it was actually nice to be able to send him out without me for a change.  
Sunday is football day.  Joe is a major Raiders fan.  So we have to hook the computer to the TV and watch the games that way.  Living in NY they are not on regular TV.  The last 10 minutes of the game we ended up watching in Spanish because it was the only site that was working at that point!  It was quite humerous!  We ordered wings for dinner...and enjoyed some time for just the two of us - Maia left at 1 and the boys were with their dad this weekend.  [Side Note: Poor Maia was sick when she left, ended up she had a UTI.  It went bad very quickly, she never communicated that it hurt to pee or anything.  She actually complained more about her throat hurt and I was afraid I spread my germs to her.  Her mom says she is feeling better today now that she is on antibiotics.  I am glad, she was pretty sick.   /end SN]  After the boys came home and got to bed Joe and I watched Desperate Housewives together.  It was good :-D  I think its so funny that no matter what show Joe and I watch he gets very mad at the end because we have to wait a week to see the next episode!  What does he expect?  How many years has he been watching TV?  It's as if he doesn't know this is the case!
This is probably the most boring blog post ever.  I was just feeling accomplished because I actually got a days worth of school done by 2 pm on MONDAY!!  I need to go find some dinner ideas...I like the ingredient option at allrecipes because I can put in the ingredients I have and get ideas from there!



is killing my GPA!!!  UGHH why do I have to be such a procrastinator.  I still have to do my midterms!  They are due Sunday, and I garantee they will get done SUNDAY!  I'm horrible with this.  I used to be soo good with school when I started, now I dread it.  Maybe its my classes.  They haven't been very interesting.  One is slightly interesting - my media and culture class.  Otherwise I just have no desire.  I need to snap out of it.  Okay my self induced vent is out of the way....

Fall is my favorite time of year.  I love the changing colors, the cool weather, and the crockpot cooking!  It seems every year that the leaves change sooner than the last.  They are green one week and gone off the trees the next!  Today however is supposed to hit 90...where is my 65 that I love so??

Joe and I had a HUGE stupid fight the other day. (He was playing video games, I thought he should get up and help me clean)  It was pretty intense and ridiculous.  I don't know why I am such a control freak.  I notice, and aknowledge it, yet I don't know how to change it.   The smallest things bother me, and everything has to be done my way on my command.  I must be hard to live with.  I sometimes wonder how much more of me our relationship can withstand!  Not to say he is perfect, oh no...not by any means.  But the honest truth is the majority of our issues could be handled differently, or avoided completely if I had better control of my emotions and actually communicated my feelings.   In the end we did discuss a few things, which is good.  I feel like we are at a point in our relationship where we've gotten to really know each other, and now we are learning how to deal with each other?   I think it is the more difficult stage. Hopefully once we get past this stage it will be a smooth path.
We leave for vacation in 15 days!!  The countdown has officially began!  We are going to Myrtle, we got an ocean front condo at Compass Cove.  The kids are super excited!  Especially Maia because she has never been to the beach.  We leave on her birthday so she is convinced its all for her.  She's such a 'princess' she swears everything is for her!  She is also convinced that Jaisek is her 'prince charming' and they will be married some day!

On the way back from Myrtle we are stopping in Durham, NC for the night and attending an informal picnic for Donor Families and Recipients.  We haven't been to the picnics yet.  Every April we go to the banquet version that honors donor families and recipients.  My little brother was an organ donor.  He donated everything but his eyes.

My kids just got home from school, yes its 10:38am!  They had to do an emergency closing of the school because of vandalism that occurred overnight.  Sad really!! They broke windows, and glass is every where, and then cranked up the heater so that its sweltering inside.   Why would someone do this?  It was at the elementary school - preK to 3rd, so they wouldn't even get to miss school over this, what is the point?

I guess I should post some pics...

The boys. (Jaisek, Jaiden, Jaryn)
Maia and Jaisek @ Darien Lake.
First day of school. (Jaryn, Jaiden, Jaisek)

So now you have a face with all of the names I blog of! 


Feeling: Lazy

I am feeling extremely lazy today.  I wanted to go walk but the couch called my name instead.  So I took a nap this morning.  Getting up at 5:45am is not the perk of my day.  I am not a morning person at all.  On top of that I have been sick for over 3 weeks now.  It is really taking a toll on me.  I guess it is good to get some rest, I obviously needed it.  There is just so much I could have gotten done instead.

I hate days when Joe is home during the day from work, I would rather him work 7-3 than 3-11.  Not even for the obvious reason of 3-11 is crappy shift where he misses out on most of the days events (homework, dinner, bath and bedtime), but because I am lazy when hes around.  He sits around and does nothing so I follow suit.  Its not good for my house!  Luckily at this point the house is still pretty clean from when we cleaned it together Saturday.  Laundry does need to be done, there are a few dishes in the sink, and I guess the floor could use vacuuming, but otherwise not too much.  He leaves at 145, that gives me an hour and half before Jaryn gets home to get stuff done.  Then Jaiden and Jaisek get home around 4:30.

I should probably be working on my school midterms right now.  I have quite a bit to do for them.  We leave for vacation in 17 days, I would like to have either really good grades so I can afford to miss participation for a week, or some weekly assignment work done ahead so that I can take time to participate without losing too much vacation time.  I guess I should get to work...



Driving to the store today I realized this was not a well done pilot.  I did not effectively introduce myself or my situation.  I am Jamie, 27 years old.  I am a mom to 3 boys.  Jaryn (9), Jaiden (6), and Jaisek (5).  I have a boyfriend Joe (yes I know my stuff all says a better wife, but it really just flows better than girlfriend.  Plus at some point I hope to be his wife, and this journey will get me where I want to be before that happens!) and he has a daughter who is with us part time, Maia (3).  We came together a little over 2 years ago.  We met at work, and our relationship developed quickly.

Over the years we have had a lot happen in our lives as individuals and together.  Just 3 months into our relationship my brothers were killed in a car accident.  That put a HUGE stressor on our relationship as I greived and he tried his hardest to be supportive of me while I constantly pushed him away.  We still have flashbacks of that sometimes but not like it used to be.  This past July his mother died.  This has put a stress on our relationship while he grieves, and I am not always as supportive as I should be.  I believe this is mostly because I am so shut down to loss at this point.  Though it effects me in a way, it doesn't have the vast impact it once did, before Chad and Dusty died. 

Within our relationship our biggest issues are typically small.  He didn't pick up his socks off the floor, I'm sick of being the only one that folds laundry the right way!  We don't deal with major issues like adultry or addictions.  However our 'insiginificant' problems are sometimes just as damaging as the big ones.  Overall I believe we have a pretty good relationship, or course it could improve.  One thing we really need to get on the same page about is dicipline.  This is a big stressor on our relationship.  He says it is because I am always the rescuer.

I believe that documenting my feelings, and seeing patterns in behavior can help me to change those that I hope to change.  The biggest thing I would like to change within myself is the negativity I harbor.  I plan to keep this journal extremely raw.  Sugar coating things doesn't help them change...you can only change that which you are willing to acknowledge.  Plus I think that oftentimes the sugar coating in posts doesn't help others.  I want people to know they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings, because I know I am not the only one that goes through the things I do. 

I watched Fireproof today and it, among other things, has encouraged me to begin a jouney that I have been wanting to endure for a while.  I as a woman need to be a more rounded person, have more control over my emotions, and be able to love fully.  I need to see the beauty within myself and others.  In order to do this I must endure a process that is both spiritual and physical.  I need to believe in love, in faith, and in people.  I want to be able to encourage others to grasp this concept and do the same within themself.  Fireproof made the 'love dare' famous.  I am persuing a life dare.  To see myself as beautiful, to see beauty in the world and all the people around me.  I vow to myself that I will be happy with who I am when this is over, and that people around me will notice a positive change in me as well.